Attire-moi! --- Stephanie's: Personnelle

Dream Life

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 13:04:19 GMT

長長的冬天終於要過去了，昨天一早起床便看見燦爛的陽光和聽見清脆的鳥鳴聲。我和幾位朋友夕陽西下時一起開車往芝加哥北方，過橋時欣賞日落，直到藝術家聚集的地方，逛二手書店，音樂店和服飾店，附近還有許多音樂酒吧。末了，我們在一家法國料理店用晚餐。

席間聽到一位學姊已申請到日本唸書一年的獎學金，六月即將出發，課程結束後她將飛往瑞士繼續做研究半年，然後再回芝加哥。另一位現在於芝加哥藝術學院工作的朋友也同樣告訴我們她將搬到紐約，到紐約大都會博物館工作，而她的部門主管則將到全美居領導地位的亞洲藝術博物館當館長，這位新館長說未來有可能邀請她過去一起工作，協助策展。

Richard 道，我想你的夢想應該是像你學姊一樣吧，全世界飛來飛去。
我道，其實不是的，我的夢想是能在各地重要的美術館工作，像我那位在芝加哥藝術學院工作的朋友一樣，有那樣的機會到全世界最棒的美術館 ---- 大都會美術館工作。（大都會與羅浮宮對我來說並列第一）

那位工作的朋友鼓勵我認真攻博士，“在美術館工作，一張碩士學歷沒什麼用，發展機會有限。“她道。

聽到她這麼一談話，立刻燃起我對夢想的熱情。因為念人文博士班真的很累。學姐說準備資格考要有心裡準備看個 200~ 300 本書，真是無法想像的多。

無論如何，好好唸書做研究吧。我對自己說。

Untitled

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 01:27:38 GMT

I didn't write on the blog for some time. One reason is that soon after the winter quarter started, I got very busy. The reading requirement almost took all of my time. 300 to 400-page reading does take a lot of time to finish. Another reason is that I couldn't find anything systematically or important enough to write about. American "cultural shock" became part of my life or part of me. It no longer strikes me as much as before. Then it came to another question, what is the direction of my blog? I don't want to post something academic nor do I want to say something petty, trivial and nonsense. I don't want this blog focuses too much on myself or only about myself. I went home this winter break and talked to my sister a lot. She pointed out that I talked about Chicago too much. I replied: "because it's my life." Her comment reminded me of being too much concentrated on my own world.

True, comparing with other friends in Taiwan, who already have a job at private companies or non-profit organizations, I found myself kind of isolated from the society. I guess that is the price I have to pay if I choose an academic career, at least, temporarily. I am not indicating a hierarchy between a professional/ business career and academic career by differentiating how close we tie to the society. It is just a matter of different lifestyles. Yet I found it hard to talk about financial issues with other friends, like investment, banking, working culture or latest business trend. That made me feel like I live in clouds.

Some friends envy me for having a "larger world" simply because I live in the U.S. That is not all true and I think that is a myth to many people who live locally. In a sense, yeah, a larger world, because I have more opportunities to encounter people of various cultural backgrounds and immerse myself in a foreign environment, which challenges many of my past thinking patterns. Because of that, I look at Taiwan and its culture from a comparative perspective. Without putting myself in another culture, I can't have such self-consciousness. In another sense, because of the nature of academic life, I am confined within a small group of elites, who can afford and also have the chance to study in an expensive school. That certainly would influence my world vision. Besides that, this school is competing with Harvard and Yale, so quite often when it makes a comparison, it targets these top rich ivy schools. This situation applies to job recruitment; many candidate professors are from those high ranking schools. It is sort of like social segregation.

There is no specific topic that I want to talk about in this article. I am just reflecting my world and my relation with my natal families and friends in Taiwan. Transforming part of my brain cells is directing me toward another system of value different from the Taiwanese culture. I felt strongly getting more alienated from the Taiwanese society as well as my families. Perhaps I care about them more.

The modern Chinese history course brought out many aspects of Chinese culture, reckoning my memories of families and pushing me to mull over my relationship with them as well as my role in the society. Today while reading an article on Chinese peasants in the early twentieth century, in which the author portrayed a miserable life of them,it suddenly occurred to me that my grandfather is a farmer too. A scene just flashed through my mind: one humid summer morning, an old farmer rode a rusty bike, carrying all his produce on the bike and yelling out loud: "cheap vegetables, **$!" His loud voice alerted our dog, Baby, who was barking at this poor stranger. My brother was sympathetic with the old farmer so he ran out to stop Baby barking at the old guy, who resembled so much our grandfather. They both earned their meager money by two hands. With that scene, some memories came back. In the childhood, I helped my grandfather in the farm, where he planted beans. Now most of the neighboring farms are gone and replaced by modern buildings. The changing landscape implicates changing social relationship. What is lost and what remains in society? Also, how did the geographical displacement change me?

I am lost in my own thoughts again. ...

Waiting

Mon, 07 Jan 2008 23:44:32 GMT

陽光照在古老的廟堂，一道金色的線斜斜地畫在深色的木製窗戶上，兩旁的牆壁有著快剝落的草綠色，至今無人新漆。廟堂上覆蓋著塑膠製成的簡陋棚子，其實阻擋了大部分的陽光，看不見上方的藍天，牆上的草綠色漆因為失去光線而帶有一點失落的氣息。上回站在廟堂前見這情景不知道是多少年前了，至少八年。

道士繼續讀著含糊不清的經文。四周除了道士的聲音，便是風聲。整個家族安靜地聽著經文，這是星期六早晨，經過幾天寒冷的天氣之後，陽光終於露臉。我們身著簡單的白色喪服，等待吉時將奶奶的屍體入殮。獨望門外的天空，思念長達八年，奶奶終於得以與爺爺在天堂重逢。

這趟回台灣發生幾件我沒有預期的事情，例如奶奶的逝世。奶奶過世前天我回家探望她。她人在房間內，因為病重已經無法走出房間。房間只有一盞微弱的白色日光燈，沒有窗戶，空氣流通不好，一進去我便感覺一股陳悶的味道。看到她兩眼空洞，再也無法辨識任何人。她的兩頰非常消瘦，導致雙眼放大突出。我只待了幾分鐘就非常想離開，房中一股死亡的氣氛讓人心痛。離走前我告訴奶奶：「阿媽，我要走了。」她雙眼依然空洞，喃喃自語道：「我也要走了。」隔天中午我接到母親的電話告訴我奶奶因為呼吸困難被送入急診室，當天下午五點心肺衰竭，告別人間。

整個家族好久都沒有聚在一起過，這次因為奶奶的喪禮我意外地見到許久不見的堂兄弟姊妹。奶奶入殮時，所有人都忍不住大哭。末了，妹妹在一旁輕輕地告訴我：「為什麼我們要哭呢？我們應該要高興，因為奶奶終於和爺爺見面了。這不是奶奶最希望的事情嗎？」的確是，自從爺爺八年前因癌症過世，奶奶再也找不到生存的理由，她頓時失去生活重心與心靈依歸，常常一整天坐在客廳，面對門口不發一語，看著對面的田地和天空，無論晴雨皆如此。一開始她偶爾走出去和鄰居聊天，後來失去興趣，加上多年前車禍之故行動不便，從此足不出戶。隨著病情越來越嚴重，她留在以前和爺爺在一起睡覺的房中，末期甚至無法下床，神智不清的狀態下含糊地重複著爺爺的名字，以及其他過世的親人名字，彷彿期待自己早日與他們重逢。現在奶奶終於解脫肉體的折磨。頌完經後，另一位道士對著已闔眼的奶奶說：「你要當神仙了。」叔叔為奶奶穿上一席亮紫色新衣，奶奶的表情非常寧靜，沒有遺憾沒有怨言。

失去摯愛的另一半對任何人來說都是很大的打擊，爺爺是她的天地她的所有，而她只能獨自一人走過這些日子。聽到妹妹這麼提醒我，我們都將眼淚擦去，想像奶奶在天堂的生活，分隔兩地多年後與所愛的人相逢，永遠在一起是最最幸福的事情。

Quest

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 01:05:01 GMT

Standing by the cliff, approaching
Abyss, immense darkness spreading
Smoky air enchants and cramps
Deepens the abyss, penetrates senses, raises the height
No indication of time, and neither of darkness and of brightness
As in Picasso's monotone, blue, life recycles within
Infinity; there is no boundary, only relativity:
bright v.s. dark; joy v.s. desperate; fear v.s. honor; temporal v.s. eternal

Knowledge has no limits, I mumble.

Unattainable California

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 23:28:45 GMT

At least, for the next 3 years, Chicago is my base and California is a distant dream in me.

Yeah, Chicago is a great city, more cultural resources and more attractive city scenes than L.A., yet I just can't help think about L.A. If you ask me, "how do you like Chicago?" To be honest, I don't have much feeling for this city. Chicago, to me, only means work as my life is mainly around the campus --- dorm, library, classroom, restaurant (or cafe), supermarket (only on weekends). Traveling to downtown is a luxury for me; it means a lot more extra time to spend. Usually I stay in the library for whole day. You might think, "that sounds boring." Yeah, in a way it is, yet in the other way, the greatest joy I have is from the growth in the intellectual quest, which fulfills my desire since childhood.

Students here study all day except for sleeping. They study when eating, waiting for a bus, cooking, doing laundry, etc, simply because everyone has so much to read within a limited time. Here, it's a intellectual intensive environment, highly competitive. Besides, U of C adopts the quarter system, so the pace is very fast. On the second week, we were already drafting a proposal for final papers. If you wait a little bit longer, you'll be at a risk of not being able to write a good final paper. In order to handle the assignments, papers and tests, for the past two weeks I didn't have enough sleep every night. I was always worried that I might not be able to finish my work. I told myself that if I could survive all this, I should be very proud of myself. By the way, one good thing I do is that I appreciate leaves every day. I am observing leaves to turn red gradually. Sometimes when I look up, I also feel the huge sky so close to me --- it might be the only relaxing moment in a day.

My life in L.A., in contrast, is a happy memory. I've started to count down days to come home. I can't wait to be home again. I just talked to Mommy and Daddy. They said they've prepared some triangle rice, fried rice and fish, which can be microwaved fast, so I can save more time to study. They also told me that Richard is going to bring vegetables and meat to cook for me. That sounds sooooo warm! Immediately I became so happy just for having such a great & supportive families.

It has been more than a year, yet I still think marrying to Richard is the best thing in my life. He gives me the best family in the world. My emotional attachment to Los Angeles will linger within me for a long time before I settle down with families again.

Pictures of my school:

Autumn scene Dining hall

Cloister of Ida Noyes Hall Winter scene

Une plainte de la femme vieille

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 06:50:10 GMT

(Probablement vous l'avez assez entendu)

Ça m’ennoierait vraiment si ma famille me critique de vivre dans un monde étroit. Ils croient que je ne connais rien que les livres parce qu’ils ne comprennent pas du tout le monde académique que je poursuis et alors m’eprisent parfois. Une autre femme taiwanais partageait la même opinion sur moi. Elle pensait que je sois gentille puisque mon monde était limité et je ne jamais voyageais assez lointain. Est-ce qu'est le rapport entre être gentille et le champ du expérience de la vie ? Elle a tiré une conclusion hâtivest que m’a fait énervé. Bien que quelque voyage beaucoup, mais s’il n’a pas la compréhension de l’autre culture, il resterait à sa petit monde. J'insiste que la grandeur du monde soit défini par la compassion des humains et le respect des cultures différents, plutôt le nombre du pays visités.

Avant d’atteindre la réussite, je m’a beaucoup besoin de temps. Il faut que je concentre sur mes études et les autres activités relatifs. Alors, donne-moi plus du soutien, pas de critique, s’il vous plaît ma chère famille ! Si vous y continuez, ça ne changerait rien sauf notre relation --- peût-être je choisirais de tenir vous à distance pour éviter le conflit. Je ne voudrais pas laisser s'y passer.

Je suis desolée que je ne puisse pas d’habiter près de ma famille, c’est-à-dire Taiwan. Je me suis fortement influencé par eux et assez souvent nous nous somme deçues. J’ai une vie plus tranquille et heureuse ici.

International Dumpling Night

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 06:54:44 GMT

Among participants from Japan, Korea, Taiwan, Germany and America, who made the best dumplings, you guess?

Hehe, the answer is Japan! Mihoko made delicious sushi (すし) and very good-looking dumplings, which immediately outshined others' dumplings. Even though I made dumplings with my mom several times before, I still couldn't make that good dumplings. But who cares? Everyone was happy with his own dumplings and enjoyed the good time with friends.

I met these friends through an English conversation club at Caltech. Men, as you see from the picture, are post-doctors at Caltech, and women are their wives, who quited jobs at their native country and came to American with their husbands. I really like hanging out with these nice friends. Everyone has a story behind them, from their life back to their homeland to their adjustment in the new foreign country. May, a Taiwanese girl married to the German guy, said that she loves America, especially for the eternal sunshine and foreigner-friendly environment, comparing with the cold weather and cold atmosphere in northern Germany. It's tough for a foreigner to be totally accepted by the society and have a job in Germany. As for the Japanese girl, she is still struggling with her English. Quite often, it's good for me to practice my Japanese. But somehow when I talk to her, I suddenly forget the vocabulary I remembered; only the kanji (Chinese character) lingered on my mind without correct Japanese pronunciation. Good thing is that this situation motivates me to learn Japanese better.

It was very interesting to see how different cultures influence people's behavior on this international night. The German tends to be more serious, the Taiwanese girl is warm (and doesn't like ice water, like what my mom told me), the Japanese couple is humble (When being asked "are you good at tennis," Mihoko thought for a second, and then replied, "yes....I think so." Everyone immediate laughed, because we know that she must be a very good player. Japanese usually downplay their capability), and the American guy, Richard, is very energetic.

I was exhausted while washing the numerous plates in the kitchen by myself, yet still felt excited from the gathering. A lovely night, for getting to know my friends more and for seeing everyone had a good time together...

p.s. The next day Richard and I still got up early to go to the Big Bear Lake. It's about one hour and half drive from our home, very convenient. It's a well-developed natural area with modern fast food chain stores, clean hotels, nice hiking trails and water activities. I took a few pictures, as you see in the Photo section in this blog. If you like to see pictures with better resolution, please click the following link: http://picasaweb.google.com/suwenhui/BigBearLake/photo#s5095853287781635362

Rosanna's Babyshower

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 17:29:47 GMT

對新生兒的重視，中外皆然，但美國人較重視出生前的祝福，大費周章地舉辦babyshower，我們華人較重視出生後，如滿月的慶祝。

美國婦女在baby即將出生前，會到售有嬰兒用品的店家登記希望收到的禮物，然後通知朋友好友，想送禮的人就到該店購買。進去店家還沒開始消費前，先找到列印禮物清單的機器，列出清單後，就可以根據個人消費實力決定買什麼禮物送她（有時候清單好長，五六頁以上）。結帳時，店原先掃瞄該清單，然後把你買的東西在清單中顯示已購買，以免有人買到重複的禮品。消費結束後，那些紙張也丟了，其實我覺得挺浪費紙資源。我陪Richard到一家頗有名的Baby R us的嬰幼兒產品專賣店逛的時候，對美國人super size的商店印象深刻，五花八門各式各樣，好多玩意想都沒想過，只有父母才曉得。

買好禮物後，就可以去參加babyshower了。我參加babyshower也不過兩次，但也大概知道他們如何籌辦babyshower。一般來說babyshower通常是準媽媽的女性好友幫忙籌辦，這次Rosanna的babyshower很特別地是由Richard來辦，因為Richard十分重視他這位女性好友，決定自己來主辦，找辦公室其他哥兒們一起幫忙，特別有趣，這群大男人故意搞笑玩創意。一般的babyshower是準備很多食物點心和飲料供客人取用聊天，大家熱絡一下之後開始玩遊戲，如猜猜準媽媽的肚圍多大了，最接近者有獎；現場各位好丈夫比賽包尿布，看誰又快又好；猜猜這位寶貝的爸媽希望baby的五官和其他人格特質遺傳到誰..,etc. Richard的babyshower則是設計量胸圍，看看準媽媽的胸部大多少了，這才是男人比較關心的尺寸，呵。最後因為準備遊戲的朋友遲到，已經很晚了，所以沒玩到。

Richard的babyshower party以墨西哥食物為主，加上BBQ。看到大熱天的，兩個男人Richard and Jeff很辛苦地在後院中起火、烤肉，汗流浹背，然後為大家送上熱騰騰香噴噴的雞肉和牛肉，Rosanna這兩位super friends，出錢出力辦一場熱鬧的babyshower，真是令人感動。其他客人則是有人帶蛋糕，有人帶沙拉，有人帶酒，Monika（我們的婚禮攝影師）也是Rosanna的好友，則是負責現場佈置，打點整體氣氛營造，配上Richard的iPod音樂，大約有近40人一起共襄盛舉，非常輕鬆熱鬧。

Babyshower 從中午十二點開始，我們六點才回家。從事前準備布置到事後收拾，大約需要這麼多時間。但是非常有趣，我把照片放在相簿中了，大家可以看看，或者到我的google相簿，影像品質較好：http://picasaweb.google.com/suwenhui/RosannaSBabyshower/photo#s5092511231994696386

A Cafe

Thu, 31 May 2007 02:00:20 GMT

漸漸對咖啡和咖啡館上癮...以前在台灣, 幾乎不喝咖啡, 莫名其妙地到這兒之後就開始習慣一天至少喝一杯了.

一開始是因為Mommy, Daddy每天早上總要磨星巴克的咖啡豆, 香香的味道很吸引人, 這時候我還只是偶爾喝一杯, 後來因為日文課密集班每天早上七點半上課, 不喝咖啡提不起精神, 就這麼一個月的時間我就擺脫不掉每天一杯的習慣了, 最愛仍是星巴克咖啡, 就算到偏僻的山上去, 帶了很多禦寒衣物之外, Mommy, Daddy和我, 三個對咖啡上癮的人還是要把咖啡壺連同咖啡粉打包帶去.

還好我住的地方附近總有Starbucks, 走路五分鐘便到, 方便極了, Richard知道我愛Starbucks咖啡, 幫我買了隨身卡, 現金忘了帶也沒關係. 常常出門時, Mommy and Daddy 也會幫我注意哪裡有星巴克.

除了咖啡之外, 我對咖啡館也很依賴. 準備考試時, 往往帶著書就在咖啡館中泡一整個下午. 即使不到咖啡館, 而是在圖書館, 我也喜歡走路到學校對面的Starbucks點杯咖啡, 坐在學校裡噴水池旁的樹蔭下, 慢慢啜飲, 抬頭看看L.A.永遠的藍天與陽光, 下午的寧靜竟是如此喜悅.

開始到UCLA旁聽藝術史課程時, 咖啡館還是一個極重要的社交場所. 下課之後, 教授將班上所有的研究生帶去校園咖啡館, 大家點了咖啡便坐在戶外的座位上, 一邊喝咖啡一邊繼續討論課堂上未完的學術問題, 我們把paper帶過去, 啡咖配點心, 輕鬆對話, 就算不聊學術, 還有很多生活趣事可聊, 也因此我漸漸與其他研究生熟絡起來, 包括認識一位好朋友, 從北京來的女孩, 主修表演藝術, 現在是Ph.D. student,我們開始一起吃飯, 一起念書, 成為好朋友, 老實說我從她身上學到不少東西, 包括她非常積極的學習態度, 立刻掌握重點的能力, 扎實的理論基礎, 以及幽默開朗的生活態度, 而且非常搞笑, 後來無意中發現我們兩人生日只差一天.

不知道怎麼開始的, 總之我們兩個也養成習慣上課前一起在咖啡館中念書, 有甚麼問題時, 立刻提出起來討論, 或向對方請教間鍵詞, 由於我們兩人專長不一樣, 交換意見時收穫很大, 一個戲劇史一個藝術史, 都是人文領域的, 有不少觀念仍可互通.

有時候教授也會帶我們到faculty center, 專門給校內教授用餐喝下午茶的, 因此氣氛和餐點品質也都精緻很多, 昨天教授甚至另外邀請一位台灣來的學者一起加入討論, 有趣的是聊天中, Richard竟被封為"model husband"--- 因為Richard不但疼愛妻子, 全力支持她, 連妻子身旁的親朋好友都通通都照顧到了. Yeah, 我承認, Richard是我的最佳公關, 每次和朋友聚會帶他出去, 他一下子就會帶起全場歡笑, 吸引所有人的注意, 把大家逗得一直笑, 北京女孩形容Richard像Teddy Bear, 非常可愛. (題外話, Richard為了不負model husband的聲名, 今年要學作烤turkey, 配獨特醬料, 感恩節時將飛到芝加哥為我下廚, 我們一起吃turkey過節. Richard這輩子還沒親手烤過turkey, 已經先跟姐姐預約好餐點指導, 屆時將兩地連線, 邊學邊做, 嘿嘿, 我期待地不得了~~)

在UCLA的課程是我到美國之後最愛的一門, 之前修的課, 老實說交不到真的很聊得來的朋友, 例如同學們的年紀不是太大(60+, 夠大吧), 見面常聊兒子女兒如何; 不然就是太小(18~21), 不夠成熟, 只有零零星星遇到幾位還聊得來的朋友, 只有在UCLA認識到教授和同學最讓我feel at home. 教授人好, 同學間的感情也好, 教授甚至說了要請我們到她家坐坐, 她會親自下廚招待大家, 就等敲定時間了. 咖啡館是大家培養感情的最重要場所, 不曉得以後到芝加哥大學, 同學間的氣氛是否也能這麼好...期待如此了.

Happy Birthday to Richard!

Tue, 27 Mar 2007 15:43:52 GMT

Happy Birthday, Richard!

On Sunday we just had a party for celebrating the birthday of Richard and his good friend, Jorge, at a Mexican food restaurant. Thanks for all friends coming to the party! They are Rosanna, Sam, Joe, Bonnie, Edward, Eric, Jeff. Rosanna's preganancy news even highlighted the whole party.

Although it is not quite the exact day of Richard's birthday, Mar 27, it has a special meaning to Richard and me. Richard said: "You know, it was a year ago today that I proposed to Stephanie, and this marks the end of the greatest year of my life so far. March 25 is really some day. "

I personally celebrate Richard's birthday twice, Mar 25 and 27. To me, 2006 to 2007 is also the best year in my life.

Joyeux anniversaire, mon mari! Je t'aime toujours.

Wedding Pictures

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 18:18:26 GMT

One of our photographer, Maxwell Lin, has uploaded his pictures of the Taipei wedding party into his own online album.

He did a very good work! He naturally captured the joyful atmosphere of the wedding party, as if the party was ongoing again!
Please visit his website: http://www.flickr.com/photos/acqurius/sets/72157594588304360/show/

Another friend, Rebecca Huang, also collected some pictures from Changhua wedding banquet:
http://picasaweb.google.com.tw/rbchia/StephanieSWeddingBanquet

As for pictures on my blog, these were taken by Simon Lu, my sister's boyfriend.

Many thanks to my photographers!!!

L.A.: Summer is coming

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 03:16:52 GMT

The temperature in L.A. hits 90F today. It is so amazingly sunny and hot that I feel like summer arrives. We both dressed in shorts and sandals today, as if we were heading toward the beach.

I really like the weather in L.A.: eternal sunshine and cloudless blue sky, palm trees..the sunset in L.A. is extremely fantastic. From bright yellow sunshine, gradually the sky and roads are covered with soft and tender light in crepuscule.

Once it gets dark, the night life is just about begining. Thanks to Pasadena City Government, who created Art Night in Pasadena, we went with a nice Japanese couple to a free jazz concert at a bar on this Friday night. It was a great date for us. I really love this city, especially in spring, autumn, and summer.

Before I moved to L.A, I've never thought that I would fall in love with this city. Thinking that I am going to move to Chicago, where is still as low as 36F (2C) today, I found I love L.A. more and more. I will miss this city, undoutedly. Richard said he feels sad when thinking of my leaving...I feel the same way too.

For those who have never been to or lived in L.A, the attached picture is for aiding your imagination. The sunset picture below was not taken by me. Since receiving admission offer, life has become more and more stressful. I am not so much in the mood of taking pictures and experimenting new composition. The Student Guide of University of Chicago clearly tells prospective students that the graduate study will be stressful. The guide opens with a sentence like this: "Your first year of graduate work may be a bit overwhelming. Getting used to a new place, to the rigors of graduate school and to the fast pace of the quarter system is all very demanding." They have a clear timetable for students; ideally, we shall be able to graduate in six to seven years. (Comparing with UCLA's nine years, the average year to graduation in U of Chicago is shorter.) For instance, in the first week we all need to take foreign language exams, and neither one can be our native language. In my case, therefore, I have no choice but to take French and Japanese. If I can't pass, I have to take extra language courses, which will make graduate life more difficult. Besides that, every student will meet the dean of the department individually, with a clear study plan, like what courses I am going to take, what the possible thesis topic is... I am trying to release some pressure by taking French and Japanese courses right now, yet learning three languages (including Eng) at the same time is frustrating, sometimes. But I have to deal with it. A literature professor will correct my essays and give me feedback, and the french professor will help me prepare the exam. A friend of Richard, who is a high school English teacher, volunteers to correct my English accent. Besides the language preparation, a UCLA art history professor even invited me to audit her class and will introduce me more scholars in this field, paving ways for my future academic life.

I am truly lucky to have so many people to help me.

Anyway, just a reminder to those who want to apply a Ph.D. program in Art History in the U.S., a strong preparation in foreign languages is very very important. Three languages meet just the minimal requirement, four languages are more preferable, five languages will be awesome.

Though life is getting more and more tense, fortunately, the great weather in L.A. always cheers me up.

Graduate school result

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 08:22:17 GMT

這週收到兩間學校的錄取通知，都是全美藝術史Ph.D.program TOP10 的學校，一間是芝加哥大學，另一間是UCLA，其中芝加哥大學給我全額獎學金，而UCLA可能是公立學校之故，funding較少。

記得當初投芝加哥大學時，我覺得我在浪費錢：「那麼難申請的學校，大概是進不去了。」芝加哥大學競爭激烈，連基本門檻都非常高（包括GPA, GRE, TOEFL），不過最後因為還是想跟當代著名國際策展人巫鴻教授做研究的緣故，硬著頭皮丟出申請書，還特地說明我是投 M.A. program，雖然我的ultimate goal是Ph.D. 隔天收到芝加哥大學的回信說線上申請書收到了。然後我逐漸忘記這回事，專心祈禱UCLA能上，留在L.A.，加上考慮到芝加哥大學非常昂貴，一年學費加生活費要將近台幣一百五十萬，博士六年念下來的費用實在負擔不起。

一個月後，突然接到芝加哥大學巫鴻教授的信，他說他非常喜歡我的application，想跟我聊聊，為了準備這場電話面試，前一天晚上我緊張兮兮地到圖書館借他的著作來讀。最後隔天的電話面試我們聊得很愉快。再過三個星期，另一位日本藝術教授也打電話給我和我「聊聊」，換句話說，芝加哥大學挑選學生十分謹慎，每位學生都會被兩位教授電話面試，但是他們的態度非常親切，談起來其實很輕鬆，談話過程中我強調芝加哥大學是最適合我的學校，我的研究興趣和教授的專長和研究計畫十分接近（Richard提醒我說不要哀求他們收你，自貶身價）。芝加哥大學不愧是一流大學，遇到好學生，搶人積極，教授們很快地與學生面談，慷慨提供全額獎學金確保留住好學生，而且態度謙虛，日本教授說：「依你的條件，相信很多學校都會收你，我們誠摯希望你能來芝加哥。」巫鴻教授則告訴我說，如果Richard想一起搬到芝加哥，找工作有任何需要幫忙的地方，他一定會盡量幫忙。最後獲知錄取結果時，三位芝加哥大學教授很快地分別親自寫信向我道賀，讓學生倍感重視，形成良好互動。信中他們邀請我參加四月份的Student Open House，且贊助我旅費，很大方。

不過另一間排名約在三、四十名左右的學校UC Santa Barbara卻拒絕我了，我想可能是因為和教授的研究專長不合吧。在此提醒想要申請博士班的朋友，真的要找和教授研究興趣一致的學校，這是最重要的。後來我回學校向以前的指導教授說聲謝謝，謝謝她幫我寫推薦信，她告訴我說她也為我感到高興，據她所知，好像之前只有一位台灣人申請到芝加哥大學的藝術史博士班，進去的人本來就少（每年約錄取不到十位學生，但有十二位藝術史教授，可見每位學生都能得到教授的照顧），能畢業的更少，這位台灣學生念了八年還是沒畢業，最後回台灣找工作。教授笑著跟我說：「說不定你會是第一個拿到芝加哥大學藝術史博士學位的台灣人喔！」

UCLA也是很好的學校，法國藝術史教授Albert Boime非常鼓勵我選擇UCLA, 熱心向中國藝術史教授推薦我，申請因此得以如此順利。為了家人，我是應該留在L.A.，可是一來芝加哥大學排名較好，二來教授的研究專長也和我比較契合，三來又有全額獎學金，我很有可能選擇芝加哥大學。這個決定對我來說也很難，一邊是家人，一邊是前途，我也很掙扎。一開始我被家人批慘了，媽媽哥哥妹妹都說我太自私，拋棄Richard自己去芝加哥追求理想，但是Richard排除異議全力支持我的態度使他們的想法轉變，Richard的母親聽到他的態度，也很感動地說：「兒子, 我以你為榮。你是一位真正不自私的人。」Richard告訴我說：「我每年有四週假期，我每次會請假一星期去看你，幫你煮菜。你唸書太忙了，沒時間下廚，我來就好。以後如果我們有孩子，我在L.A.照顧小孩，你專心唸書，家裡的事情不用擔心。」他又道：「對我來說，放你一個人離家這麼遠，這真的需要決心與犧牲。可是這是對你未來前途最好的決定，我願意全力支持你。無論將來結果成功與否，至少你曾經很努力嘗試過，這是最重要的。」聽得我感動不已，我難過地道 I am sorry, and he said, "I understand, Stephanie. I am proud of you."

Richard，一位四十歲的男人，也是一位真正懂得愛人的人，他以對我最好的方式愛我，而不強迫我或試圖要我放棄自己。

Thanks for your support, Richard. I love love love you.

Coming home...and the continued

Tue, 13 Feb 2007 23:51:33 GMT

離回家過農曆新年的日子不遠了，再過兩天，就要和Richard, 父親和妹妹搭半夜出發的飛機，隨著大群旅客在機場安檢，等待時間長卻也興奮。

回台灣前的日子很忙碌。密集的日文課已經把我的精力耗去大半，法文課呈現半冬眠狀態，婚禮囍宴的籌辦只得到我一些注意力（其實彰化場囍宴我們也沒有說話餘地），我有自由選擇的決定權的項目很少，例如挑選禮服款式之類的，喜餅喜帖通通讓母親作主，我也跟母親說了，我的朋友我不收紅包，也沒有送喜餅和傳統的紅色喜帖，為了擺脫喜帖缺乏變化的印象，我和Richard的朋友Monika共同設計製作一份Wedding CD，當作喜帖寄發給各地的好朋友。至於台北場party，我們比較認真規劃，用心設計活動項目與整體氣氛營造，這場是屬於我們兩人真正的party，彰化場則傾向為母親而辦，母親希望辦的風光點，不要讓親戚鄰居們在背後指指點點。

Wedding party的籌辦方面，要感謝朋友Jamie擔任party主持人，她敏捷幽默的反應，流利的中英文一定會讓party增色不少，也要謝謝DJ Jonathan，用心準備音樂營造氣氛，還有攝影師忠佐及Monika，他們必須犧牲一部份用餐時間用相機捕捉現場動人時刻，最後還有好友Gloria幫我聯繫Spazio Dining & Bar，為我省了不少麻煩...因為有許多朋友的幫忙，這場party將非常特別。

想念許久不見的朋友們，七姊妹、研華文教基金會的前同事、在故宮的Jewel、研究所教授、同學們、大學社團同學們、VYA的好朋友們...很高興大部分的朋友同學們會出席婚禮囍宴或派對，可以一次看到許多人，不過遺憾的是沒有太多時間可以好好聊聊大家的近況。

今年可能是我未來十年內唯一一次回台灣過農曆新年，以後只有聖誕節有長假。今年過年Richard也邀請他的朋友到台灣玩，順便參加我們的婚禮，所有人連同我的家人共有20位，母親非常開心地說：「第一次過年這麼熱鬧！」

在L.A. 還感受不到過年過節氣氛，相信一到台灣，立刻會有熟悉的感覺。最期待每年除夕夜全家一起吃的團圓飯，今年我們兩家人（and Richard's families）一起過，更加有趣！

---

到台灣的第一天，Daddy告訴我他對台灣很失望，想離開台灣了。Daddy和Mommy賣掉在Dana Point的房子後，便開始環遊世界，旅居各地，去年到過巴西後，年底來到台灣住五個月。待越久越失望。Daddy道：「台灣號稱是民主法治國家，但是人民對公權力一點也沒放在眼裡，公權力效果也不彰。」我啞口無言，Daddy說的是事實。Mommy補充道：「台灣交通好亂，尤其是摩托車，到處鑽來鑽去，不尊重行人，空氣污染也好嚴重，每次出門回家後，我們都很慶幸今天平安回來了。」台灣的公車司機大部分時候態度也不佳，很兇或者面無表情，冷漠，有次Mommy和Daddy坐車，公車司機還加收他們費用，Mommy很生氣，但司機堅持要收，Mommy為了搭公車，最後也還是付錢了。說到這，我想起去年在台北生活時，因為人太多，公車司機為了趕緊關門，不管我們乘客是否已經站好，突然把門關上，當時我穿高跟涼鞋站在門邊，還沒站穩，腳指頭硬生生被門擠壓，當場流血，我跟司機抱怨，司機假裝沒聽到繼續行駛。後來我療了一星期腳指頭才好。

離開台灣半年，一到台灣時仍感覺非常熟悉，不過有些地方從前視為理所當然的，現在卻有不一樣的感受，尤其是台灣的交通，糟糕的程度令人非常失望。以前我在台灣也是騎機車，早早訓練出到處鑽來鑽去的功夫，我對紅綠燈號誌大部分遵守，但也常常例外，自行其是，從小生長在台灣，我和大部分的機車騎士一樣有自己的規則和求生本領。現在看來，感覺卻是從前的我和許多人都一樣沒把交通規則放在眼裡，對行人不尊重。而且道路規劃很差，往往換一條路車道就改變，一下子兩線道一下子三線道，有時候即使是兩線道，下一條兩線道的位置卻不一樣，很多街道也沒有左轉彎車道，要左轉的車子必須卡在路中間轉彎，看起來十分危險。

昨天我們看到一部車子，明明就沒空間讓他前進，他硬要超前，於是不惜犧牲旁邊人家種植的花盆，撞倒壓碎後超車過去。那時候Daddy和Richard看到一直喊No! 那位駕駛人理都沒理他們。Daddy非常生氣，如此無禮驕傲的駕駛人應該要舉發，當場將車號和時間地點抄下來，心想也許可以告知警察。抄完後，Daddy自己又道：「台灣的警察根本不在乎這些事情。」

台灣人經過這麼多年的民主教育，人民應該比較懂得尊重別人，但除夕夜的團圓飯經驗讓我對民主教育失望。我和Richard到櫃臺結帳，兩次被人插隊搶先結帳，收銀台小姐竟然就收了，完全沒制止。第三次快發生時我已經非常不高興了，下一個顧客不理我直接對小姐喊話：「x號桌要結帳！」我在她遞帳單之前，即使前一個還沒結束，我仍將帳單送上去，否則太有禮貌一定又會被插隊。

This is Taiwan... a disappointing hometown. I really hope that Taiwan can be a real democratic country someday..

My parents

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 23:12:11 GMT

兩年前表哥結婚，他在婚禮上邀請兩位外國客戶參加。遠遠地從我們所坐的位子上便能看見這兩位金髮碧眼的外國客人，在一大群台灣人之中顯的非常突出。這是第一次父母親眼看見外國人。父親說：「喔~那是外國人。」

去年六月我在機場準備飛行前往美國。父母到機場送我時，一位印度人剛好在附近不遠處，這是第一次父母看到印度人，母親很驚訝地說：「怎麼有人皮膚這麼黑的這麼難看？」

父母活了大半輩子，從來沒與台灣人之外的民族接觸過，只是從電視新聞看到外國人長什麼樣子。母親高中沒畢業，很早就放棄學業開始工作，但由於學歷太低，一輩子只能在最低階的工廠當女工，以大量勞力換取微薄薪水。我的祖父是農夫，一來沒錢二來對教育也不重視，高職唸完後，父親開始工作，有了自己的薪水後，才開始到空中大學修習大學學分，每週末從彰化騎機車到台中上課，堅持七年，終於拿到雙學位順利畢業。兩人二十八年前在彰化定居後，生活圈從未擴大過，電視、同事、廟宇、大賣場...直至我上大學，父親開車送我到學校，這是他生平第一次開車開這麼遠，他相當高興自己能一路安然開到新竹送我上學，我在後座睡覺睡得很安穩，抵達目的之後，然後自己一個人平安開車回家。而母親離開彰化時，大多是跟著廟宇的朋友，坐遊覽車到各地的廟宇拜拜，最遠到基隆探望哥哥，對她來說這已經非常遙遠，遠超過少女時代在工廠的她所想像的旅程。

後來直到我結婚，父親買了一張世界地圖，終於看清楚美國洛杉磯的地理位置。對母親來說，美國仍是一個抽象的概念，完全無法用過去的生活經驗推理，只聽說美國人很無情，不重視家庭，但是很聰明，台灣人很難跟他們競爭。想著女兒嫁去這樣的地方，她心裡非常擔心，又捨不得，但又阻止不了我，常常想到我就哭。

我不知道如何為這篇文章結尾，我曾給他們那麼多的承諾，告訴他們不要擔心，我會永遠在他們身邊，但仔細檢討之後，發現我做不到的比率居多，而且我不習慣對家人說「我愛你」。還是買一張機票直接回台灣吧，說不出來的做不到的，見面之後，他們便能感受到，我想。

Parental relationship

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 19:22:18 GMT

一早看到Jennifer睡眼惺忪，呵欠連連，我問她：「早上幾點起床？」

她道：「六點。」「這麼早。為什麼？」

她道：「我要開車送弟弟妹妹還有表弟上學，然後再開到PCC上日文課。」我點點頭，她又繼續道：「不過今天特別累。昨天上Self-defense課，回家後我自己練習，還教我母親幾招有用的自我防衛技巧，結果一早起床，全身腰酸背痛，好累喔。」

Jennifer是大一的學生，去年在加拿大高中畢業後，隨母親到洛杉磯定居，準備在這兒念大學。她早上七點半的課從未遲到過，令我印象深刻（不好意思，我遲到兩次，不過都趕在老師點名前出現）。聽到她說她準備早餐，開車送弟妹上學，不禁讓我美國的小孩真的比較早獨立，在台灣，許多大學生仍像小孩子，而且父母總是想繼續保護小孩，干涉孩子的決定，即使畢業工作，在父母眼中還是小孩子。

最近我和母親為籌辦婚禮的事情吵了好多次，她非常生氣我不想照傳統規定走，在溝通過程中我提了好多次美國文化如何如何，母親越聽越生氣，道：「我們是台灣人，不是美國人！你應該照台灣習俗走！」例如在台灣，結婚是雙方父母的事，年輕人不應該有意見；而在現代西方，結婚是年輕人的事，父母不用管，而且所有婚禮費用都是女方負責。她覺得我到美國後與她想法差異越來越大，以前有意見不合處，我最後都會讓步，不管怎麼樣，都應該以父母的話為最高原則，不該讓他們生氣。但受美國文化影響後，我的態度轉為較強硬，令她火冒三丈。我的意見其實大多是：我們能不能找折衷的辦法處理？

在美國，孩子未進幼稚園前早已經開始睡在自己的房間，孩子上大學後就是成人，他們有自己的主張與決定，父母只會給建議且不干涉，將孩子視為獨立個體；在台灣或中國，孩子不管多大永遠都是「自己的」。而且，年紀大的人講話不一定有權威，我還記得上美國文學第一堂課時老師告訴我們：「雖然我是老師，但不代表我的意見才是對的。你應該有自己的看法。」雖然母親嘴上常說：「你有你自己的想法沒關係。」但其實萬一我的想法和她的想法不一致時，她會很不高興，想辦法要我照她的意見走。

看來我與母親的generation gap會越來越大...

Profound friendship

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 00:51:25 GMT

Richard's friendship mode is the profoundest I've seen.

He not only knows his friends, but also meets their families, including parents, siblings, uncles, aunts, nephew, nieces, etc. So when he chats, he would ask: how's your dad? How's your sister, brother? How's your uncle...and so on. He attends his friends' family reunion as well, quickly familiarizing himeself with almost everyone. When Christams comes, he even sends greeting cards to friends' parents. Besides, he brings his parents to friends' gatherings too. His sincere, humurous and sympathetic personality earn him a lot of friends.

To me that's very impressive. Quite often I concern about my friends themselves only; as for their families, I know very little.

I don't know if that's exceptional or common mode among Americans, but I believe that's truly profound friendship established between people.

p.s. Richard and I spent much time in our "family factory", piecing up together every element of the wedding invitation card. We've sent out all the invitation cards to friends. You probably can receive it by next weekend. Special thanks to Monika, who helped us design the cards and will come with us to the wedding banquet, and Jeff, one of Richard's closest friends, will join us too. And Mrs. Boime, who will fly to Taiwan to attend the wedding banquets in Changhua and Taipei; Chia-Lun, from Shanghai to Changhua, and Jason Ng, from Singapore to Changhua.

And all of you who reserve your time for us. Thank you.

"Your brain functions differently from others"

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 01:50:56 GMT

和Richard在一起之前，我覺得生活很簡單，我也從來不覺得有什麼問題

和Richard一起生活之後，我才發現原來我在處理日常生活細節部分很弱

Richard是一個重理性與邏輯思考的人，也重視細節，我則粗枝大葉，但對感性的文字語言色彩聲音則感受敏銳

簡言之，我們的腦袋運作方式差很多

昨晚我和Richard一起參加朋友的New Year dinner，我玩了生平第一個英文版的比手劃腳

我是完全沒用，許多名稱聽都沒聽過，怎麼猜的出來，文化隔閡在此特別明顯

我也要比出題目，看到題目後必須快速思考怎麼把單字break down，用音節和其他同音字同義字暗示答案

當然我的反應會比較慢（ex. Furgalicious，這歌曲名要怎麼比呢？），而且我的邏輯思考和一般美國人不一樣

往往比半天他們還是不知道我到底在暗示什麼

例如有次我拿到題目Soilent Green，我要畫出來Soilent green

天啊，用黑筆要怎麼表達green呢

於是我畫了traffic light。雖然我每天開車，也是一個遵守交通規矩的好driver

但是我從來沒注意過traffic light的三顆燈順序為何

到底是紅燈，綠燈還是黃燈先

於是我隨便點了第一顆燈，然後在下面畫出葉子，

大家立刻說red! 但是不瞭解red和leaves, grasses之間到底有什麼關聯

我趕緊點下一顆燈，大家又喊yellow! 我心想，啊，不對啊，趕緊又點下一顆燈

大家終於說 Green!

後來我回到座位上，變成大家的笑話，連基本的紅綠燈順序都搞不清，然後大家又問我說為什麼要畫葉子啊

我一解釋他們才瞭解，然後Richard結論道：「恩，你的腦袋運作邏輯和一般人不一樣喔。」

Richard說一些日常生活細節，每個人都會注意到的東西，我往往視而不見

但是在進行高階學術思考時，腦袋還挺清楚的

Anyways, 這次比手劃腳遊戲雖然我是廢物一個，不過還挺好玩的

希望經過一年的文化衝擊，明年新年夜我的比手劃腳功力能大增

贏一些分數回來（妄想罷了，沒當真，縮短文化隔閡哪有可能速成）

Driving into infinity

Tue, 28 Nov 2006 22:02:37 GMT

近午夜的紐約州，霜降。

我們從New Hampshire開往New York State，進入山區時，氣溫陡降，天空飄下大片的霜，打在車窗上。整條公路沒有路燈，沒有人，沒有車，我們的車燈打亮，還是看不見道路的盡頭，只有無盡的黑夜。

車速加快，霜降跟著加速，迅速撞上車窗，消失，又繼續急速衝撞。四周寂靜，陰暗的樹林中除了風聲霜降聲，就是我們的呼吸聲，剎那間我們彷彿脫離這個世界，進入一個未知的時空，一個只有我們兩人的黑色時空。

We are driving into infinity. We are crossing borders with high speed while the world is left behind us. We are alone.

天空飄雨，寧靜的街道與稀落的房屋告訴我們已進入紐約州的Albany，周圍漆黑一片只有Raul與Patrick的家仍亮著燈等待我們，給我們一個熱情的擁抱，熱茶，以及Raul親自烘焙的小餅乾，驅走寒冷。我們一起在布置時尚兼具溫暖的客廳聊天到半夜兩點。

他們是我看過最棒的一對情侶，相愛相知相惜十三年不變，這也是我希望與Richard的未來。

Raul與Patrick十三年前在紐約曼哈頓一家咖啡館相遇，當時Raul剛好從L.A.到NYC出差。兩人一見如故，相見恨晚，不到兩年兩人承諾永遠，在當時同性戀婚姻仍是禁忌之時，兩人在風氣較開放的紐約結婚，婚禮相當簡單，只邀請一些非常知己的朋友出席。婚後Patrick為Raul放棄在紐約的生活和朋友，飛到L.A.與Raul一起生活。五年後Raul在NYC找到工作，陪著Patrick回到紐約定居至今。

Patrick非常喜歡小朋友，在去年領養一位可愛的小baby，兩人正式升格為爸爸。小baby April可能是世界上最幸福的baby，兩位爸爸的愛滿滿地倒給她，不到兩歲，已經有一整櫃的衣服，到處都是玩具，粉紅色調的房間配上Patrick精心布置的小花小草，完美搭配她的幸福感。She is a princess. 有趣的是，這位小公主的澡盆是水槽，"it's easier," Patrick said with a smile. 小公主的髮型大約兩小時變換一次，Patrick充分發揮創意為April創造有趣好笑又可愛的髮型，有時候像沖天炮，有時候兩端髮束成九十度，有時候是優雅的公主頭。

當Raul, Patrick和Richard在一起時，三人大談育兒經，Raul和Patrick是親身體驗，而Richard因為常與小朋友玩，他也很瞭解小朋友的心理，反倒我這個唯一的女人在一旁搭不上話，看到他們輪流和April玩的時候，我也只能自嘆不如，這三個大男人帶小孩的功力一流！他們還鼓勵我說以後有小孩，我一定會突飛猛進。

我們在Albany停留時間不到24小時，Raul和Patrick最後請我們到Albany市區一家高級海鮮餐廳，慶祝我們新婚。晚餐後我們又急忙趕回New Hampshire過Thanksgiving。

回途仍是一片黑夜。但是Raul和Patrick這對熱情溫暖又甜蜜情侶的形象在我腦中揮之不去，黑夜逐漸明亮起來。

Identity

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 07:58:46 GMT

在異鄉，最重要的身份是你自己。

美國種族融合的現象如同沙拉，通通混在一起了，但是每樣東西的本質與味道仍存在。即使大家通通都是「美國人」，種族仍是一項重要的指標，推測你的文化來源與基本性格。於是，Chinese (中國人、台灣人、香港人) 的特質更加被強調出來。

美國文學老師上課提到一段不為人知的華裔美國人歷史，因為我是在場唯一的華人，說完後他問我：「你知道這段歷史嗎？」我沈默地搖搖頭。

另一次墨西哥裔的同學問我：「我真的很好奇，為什麼中國這樣一個龐大的帝國，如何團結在一起維持這麼長久的歷史呢？你們是怎麼做到的？」

德國朋友告訴我，在歐洲亞洲學生給他們的印象是很會唸書，文法規則很清楚，非常有禮貌。不過在德國南方因為華人少，她沒有華人朋友，這些印象只存在腦中。來美國發現不是這麼一回事，華人不喜歡主動與陌生人打招呼（即使是鄰居），她說甚至她已經主動打招呼，她的鄰居仍假裝沒看到。華人常避免與人目光接觸。事實上來到美國後我才跟著Richard學，在郊外踏青時，陌生人經過，我們也都會說聲：「Hello!」於是我才注意到，我們常說自己「好客」，但對人的警戒心也很高。

家教老師Cari推薦我閱讀小說Snow Flower and the Secret Fan，描寫十九世紀清朝末年一對女性好友間深厚感人的友誼。我到Borders書局，店員態度非常好，主動問我需要幫忙嗎，我說出書名後，立刻幫我找到書，並且推薦另外一本作者的回憶錄。這位作者是華裔美國人：父親是中國人，母親是美國人，本人則長的很像美國人，介紹更多關於作者的資訊讓我知道，服務態度之親切令人印象深刻。書中女主角從小綁小腳，所有舊時代中國女人都曾嚐過的痛苦，行動被限制，世界也被限制住。在閱讀的過程中，我嘗試再次看到中國歷史 --- 或許這也是為什麼Cari希望我閱讀的原因吧，她也希望和我討論，聽聽我的觀點（我的觀點是，作者以西方價值觀出發書寫主角生活，雖清楚描寫當時的禮教習俗，但是主角對禮教批判的態度很西方，很不真實，我不認為當時女性清楚知道自己的處境，沒有和其他文化比較前，極有可能視傳統為理所當然）。

未來的研究領域決定從西洋美術史轉到中國美術史，一開始是考慮到將來工作發展，但現在我越來越喜歡這個決定。和德國朋友一起到美術館看畫時，我們聊很多，突然有非常深刻的體驗，即使我過去念西方文化相關學科八年（西洋文學和西洋藝術史），我所知仍是皮毛，我到底瞭解他們多少呢？同樣看靜物畫，我對畫中描繪的物品所知大約是從所擺設的物品推測其意義，而她則是興奮地告訴這些物品的歷史，當時候的社會意義，這些物品對她來說每件都帶有文化情感與記憶。

我決定回頭看看自己的文化。

念西方文化如同打開另一個世界，然而回頭瞭解你自己的同時，會更瞭解他人。

過去以為我懂，其實是以管窺天。

旅行到底打開多少世界呢？當我們短期旅行時，我們還是我們，仍從自己的觀點理解世界；只有在深入不屬於你的地方時，你真正成為你自己，異鄉文化有了機會侵入腦細胞，以我們不自知的方式悄悄改造我們，our identity is at first blurred and then fortified。

Supportive families

Thu, 19 Oct 2006 02:21:56 GMT

As a newcomer in the States, I have to take many tests/ interviews to secure my identity and future development, including Green card interview, drivers' license, and English ability tests.

The most stressful one is of course the application for graduate schools, which composed of TOEFL and GRE, one of the most difficult tests. Besides that, I am also writing the proposal for advanced study, which is taking me back to the young days in Taiwan: a life full of sedulous study.

I am 27, but still live like a young kid whose life has nothing else but learning. If I were in Taiwan, I would be likely criticized as irresponsible person or wife for I didn't cook and took care of all the house works. (For instance, my grandma came to visit three weeks ago. After she learned that I didn't cook at all, she was furious. "How dare you are!" She said. "You are a daughter-in-law, but you should leave the cooking to your mother-in-law!" She was very unhappy with me) Fortunately, Richard, and my parents-in-law all indulge me with what I like to do: study, study and study. As for my father-in-law, whenever I tell him what I need to buy, he would head out to get it for me. He has a nickname as Three-filial Chen (陳三孝), filial for wife, son, and daughter（孝妻孝兒孝女）; "now he has the fourth person to show filiality; that is our daughter-in-law," mommy jokingly said.

I went to UCLA library and did not come back until 10:00 pm. As soon as I got home, Richard prepared a hot dinner for me. My mother-in-law now cooks for the whole families and sometimes she even "forbides" me from washing dishes because she wishes me to make good use of time.

What do you define as "happy" person?

I regard myself as a lucky and happy woman, with such supportive families. I am free from the old tradition that woman should sacrifice for her family, an untold expectation upon married women. In stead, my family is my strongest power to back me up. Jewel, who came from Taiwan to visit me last week, was surprised to find that I became more independent than I was before. She wondered why. It occure to me a sentence by Anne Roiphe, a writer and journalist. She wrote "A good marriage means growing as a couple but also growing as individuals. This isn't easy." I guess I benefited from the positive relationship with Richard and my parents-in-law.

All right, enough for the good stuff. You may be jaded with the same positive thoughts of mine. Maybe next time Richard will post an article that describes our bickering. He wishes to remind you the reality of marriage life. :)

By the way, after GRE test, I'll start to have some fun. We are invited to join a Holloween party and we'll fly to New Hamphire during Thanksgiving. In December, we'll also drive to San Francisco for a short vacation (it's Richard's conference, in fact). Hopefully I'll post something more interesting for you guys.

Welcome the co-author of this blog --- Richard!

Fri, 06 Oct 2006 07:12:15 GMT

After inquring his willingness, Richard promised to be the author of this blog!

Richard is a good writer. His article has everything that I desire in my writing: well-organized structure, precise wording, correct grammar, consistent logic and high persuasiveness... I enjoy reading his article. Well, but writing a blog article is nothing, he probably just jots down something coming across his mind rather than spends one or two hours revising his writing.

He wrote down the following words to introduce himself before going to Taiwan in May. Though most of you, my friends, had seen him last time, few of you really knew him. Through this article, you'll find more information about him (if you are interested).

---

Here's the long story about me. As Stephanie said, I am an engineer at JPL, which is a NASA center. If you hear about an unmanned NASA mission, like the machines on Mars (but not the Space Shuttle), it's probably ours. JPL also has some instruments on spacecraft that orbit Earth, and I mostly write programs to get and move ocean wind data from one of those spacecraft (QuikSCAT, if you're interested).

Work is important to me, but my family and my friends are more so. My parents, probably like N million others, moved from mainland China to Taiwan in the late 1940s. Both studied at Taiwan Normal U, like Stephanie's siblings. My father was a great student - he won both a Fulbright and a Zhongshan scholarship and took the latter to get his M.A. in Journalism at the U of Missouri. I've seen a picture of the young him and the other scholarship winners (all from Taiwan U, I think) posing with Chiang Chingkuo sometime in the mid-1950s.

He returned to Taiwan, then the entire family moved to the U.S. in 1966. We've lived in California since 1972, and I love this place, especially the L.A. area. Well, that assessment is not really fair, as the only other places I've lived are Northern California and China. I spent a year in Shanghai and half a year in Chongqing after college, teaching English. My spoken Chinese got much better, and I learned enormously about my heritage.

Hmmm, I'm not sure this is what Stephanie had in mind, or how much she feels comfortable in revealing. This is getting long anyway. Let me end here by saying that though I've got great friends too, in Stephanie I've found a best friend with whom I can share everything and who understands or sympathizes or prods me as needed, like no one else outside my family can. Our new life awaits.

Richard

Distance de l'automne

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 03:52:26 GMT

Distance de l'automne --- Jacques Reda

And the one September evening, after these luminous days,

The sun is only a hunter between the moors and the clouds;

Lying in wait as the forest withdraws into itself,

At a distance from the chilly ray.

Cracking everywhere keep watch over the silence

And the blackberry in the thicket proffers its black bunches

To nobody.

It'll be dark in an hour. The sky,

Very pale, holds back, and no longer touches the grass

Or the waters which return to the slanted depth.

Drink, gentle animals.

法國詩人Jacques Reda (1929- )用豐富的意象比喻秋天，以顏色與溫度對比夏日明亮溫暖的日子，如荒野、寒冷、靜默、無人、蒼白，黑莓生長卻無人等候採收；天空慘白，退縮到觸碰不到茵茵綠草的邊界，秋季徹底告白夏季，絕望等待冷酷的冬季。秋日對我而言確有完全相反的回憶，夾帶著淡淡的想念與喜悅。

1997年9月：剛進大學，九月底開學時天氣已逐漸轉涼。每晚我開心地和好友Monica, Tina 到不同的社團參觀，看社團表演，想想要加入哪個社團好；以及享受在女生在交大唸書的好處--- 學伴多到數不清，免費宵夜到處吃。第一次放假時就是放假，可以計畫出去玩，高中以前的日子不管有無放假，通通要當瞎子聾子不管，除了唸書生活沒有其他目標可言。也就是在這一年認識現在許多的好朋友，外文系的同學、基層文化服務團的一群人和在台大的Jason。每年秋天，聞到空氣中涼涼的味道總會讓我想起剛進大學單純、新鮮又快樂的心情。

2000年9月：大學最後一年，和外文系同學Claire, Crystal, Fiona, Monica, Tina, Vita，加我共七人（七姊妹）一起到日本大阪和京都自助旅行。最喜歡京都的哲學之道、清水寺、和西本願寺，雖然還不夠冷沒看到楓葉，不然就更完美了。途中我每天都在丟東西，從這趟旅途之後，我被冠上「笨蛋一號」的稱號，至今仍無法洗刷。（好吧，我承認我是天生的糊塗蟲）

2001年9月：畢業，搬出宿舍，實習當老師。中秋節快來臨之前，風很大，晚上我常一個人在租屋處外頭跳繩運動，四周安靜，有時抬頭看看月亮，感覺非常孤單。

2002年9月：8月底我在New York，天氣已經涼了，9月剛開學進研究所時還強烈想念著New York，想著將來一定要再回去。

2004年9月：九月初剛到 Paris，沒想到天氣還非常炎熱。第一天下午到左岸和巴黎聖母院一帶走，傍晚在拉丁區Sorbonne 大學附近吃漢堡（呵！阿觀及其男友H推薦）接著探訪各大美術館及圖書館，眼睛忙碌到不行，看到四周豐富的藝術資源感動不已，好像掉進糖果屋一樣，我貪婪地吸收，永遠感到時間不夠。九月底到倫敦一趟，白天頂多20度晚上10度，好冷，竟然還有人穿短袖，佩服。來過歐洲之後，再想想美國：「恩，不回去美國也沒什麼好遺憾的。I love Europe!」

2005年9月：月中搬到台北，認識許多好朋友。我非常喜歡都會生活，每週都有東西可以看有活動可以參加，比起單調的宿舍生活，我快樂太多了。此時剛認識Richard一個月。

2006年9月：我在L.A想念台灣。不過今天發現一座公共藝術圖書館，看起來像是十九世紀的建築，館內有豐富的書籍、DVD、CD資源，我又忍不住興奮起來，好像發現一座寶庫似的。終於，彌補不去巴黎的遺憾，每週上法文課稍微過過乾隱就夠了（其實這個法文課還挺難的，皮要繃緊一點）。天氣好的時候從上課地點騎自行車回家，經過Green Street，兩旁都是綠樹，吹來微微涼風。簡單的，存在。

"Summer is over." Richard略帶感傷地說。他是一個sunny boy。現在L.A早晚大約只剩下攝氏十多度，出門一定要加件外套。

我一聽，說：「Great! I love automn」

「That's an artist's season.」Richard道。

「Yeah, it's my season.」我微笑道。

照片說明：

1. My favorite street in Pasadena --- Green street.

2. Sunset in Pasadena City hall

3. 2004年在巴黎盧森堡公園拍的照片。